sad

I try very hard to always find the good no matter what has happened. But this week and today especially I am finding it very difficult to see the good in anything. I was let down last week by someone that I was really beginning to think was an amazing person. But once again I was proven very wrong. I also am realizing how terribly I am failing at everything lately. I cant do anything that needs to be done and I am at that point I wanna throw the towel in and quit. But I cant quit. And as much as I want to stay curled up in my bed and forget the world I cant do that either. Today I broke down and cried cause there is so much wrong with my house and I am lost at how to fix these things. This was all stuff my ex would have done and fixed. And although I will figure it out it made me realize how much I miss having that person there to help me to be with me and to fix things I cant. Not missing my ex exactly just missing the companionship I had. Life can get very lonely at times when there is no one special to share things with. No one to go thru the highs and lows of my day. And I miss that. I miss having someone to curl up to with hot cocoa while on the porch swing. Im just realizing this week what all I am missing in my life. Ive enjoyed my single life and would miss parts of it. However it would be nice to have that one person to share everything with. It sucks sometimes that I unload on my 16 yr old about my day. She shouldnt have to listen to that crap. I miss having someone hold my hand and caress my face. Its little things I truely miss about being in a relationship. Single life has been fun but Im kinda over it. I guess I am what they call a relationship kinda person. I like having an other half. Hopefully someday I will find the man I am suppossed to be with forever. Hopefully he is out there looking for me too.

little things

realized today how so many things in my life re so completely out of my control. and i have spent way to much time worrying about things that i can do nothing about. And i was thinkin about my day at work tonight and couldnt help but laugh about how rediculous some things were today. My maintenance guys are amazing and they seem to go out of their way to make sure im laughing and smiling. they have somehow taken bad things and put a spin on them to make them funny. and they both were really there for me the other day when things got rough. my friends have been amazing and so crazysupportive helping me with all the things i have had to deal ih the last 6 months. and its nice to hear them tell me how wonderful it is to be able to hear the smile in my voice again. my kids have been this amazing source of strength for me and i just feel very blessed to have them. I am finally back to a place where i can sit back and see so much to be happy about. so much i am thankful for again. withall the bad that happened 6 months ago i can honestly see the brite side of things again.  like a very dark cloud has been lifted. i know there are more hard times ahead but for now im enjoying the peace i have found. i have even made some new friends. one in particular that seems to have my attention greatly. i really like this new life i have built for myself. just feel really lucky tonight.