bye bye fake asses

So I had a friend over yesterday and she let me in on a few things. Some of those things were totally opposite from what I had been told by someone else. Then today I saw something that made me sit back and say wait a fucking minute!! Did I ever get a wake up today and snapped back to reality real quick. WTF was I thinking. Damn  that coulda ended up bad and coulda ended up being the totally wrong decision to make. Bet your ass I wont come close to making that mistake again. Thanks to my real friends that tell me the truth  instead of telling me what i want to hear. If people would just stop being fake and just be honest things would go so much smoother in life. I know who the hell my real friends are and do not have time for stupid highschool games. Sorry if my ya want it take it theory pisses some people off but Im not the type of person to just sit here on my ass and wait for it. I see what I want and I snatch it up. And just like what Ive been doing lately, Im seeing the things that make me happy and Im grabbing hold and taking those moments. If ya have an issue with it kiss my ass. As for those that wanna be stupid and play games with me well you know what you can do. Theres no room in my life for that shit. If ya aint bringing happiness to my world then ya best get the fuck outta my world. Nothing but happy and good things for me from here on out!! Drama and bullshit the exit it that way-------)

run run run

realized today that taking a week off from running was a very very bad idea. it will not happen again. I just feel so much better today then i have the past week. and i really think i feel better cause i worked out today. kinda fell off the wagon so to speak lol. so my promise to myself is I will do my running everyday no matter what that day may throw at me :) If I break this promise feel free people to give me a hard time. Your shit talking does wonders for my motivation lmao.

realization....

As many of my friends and family know I am a very deep person, very twisted, complicated way of thinking and many times just completely misunderstood. Im an open book. Im raw and emotional. I have no fear of telling things the way I see it and if people dont like it well then thats ok too. If you cant handle the way I think or the way I feel then I guess maybe you are not the right person to be in my life. And thats ok to. :) I want people in my life that are with me not matter what state of mind im in lol. Last week I had a total meltdown after loosing someone that was very dear to me. I think the loss sent me into an almost crazed person state of mind. I acted like an idiot to several people and said some things I really wish I wouldnt have. So if I offended anyone or said anything out of line then please take this as my personal public apology. I wasnt ok last week. But as of today Im good and back to my normal self. Please keep in mind I said "my" normal not yours LOL. Many of you know I work with my emotions and feelings like switches. I can turn them on and off easily. Last week they all flipped on and i was just overwhelmed. So no fears people I have once again turned off all switches except those to my kids. Im seeing things very clearly today and am ok with what I see in front of me. So please no more worries towards me. No need to waste another moment wondering if Im gonna go postal. Im good now :) And to the couple of people I actually talked to about things thanks for listening to me and letting me figure it all out in my head. We all know how unreal it is in my head LOL Luv u all :)

friends...

I lost one of my oldest dearest friends yesterday. Betsy was known by many and loved by all. The sadness that goes along with this is so deep. Loosing her brother scott a few years ago was bad then loosing her mom not long ago to cancer was terrible. And now loosing Betsy is just the saddest thing in my world. I will never understand how such amazing people are all gone now. An entire family just gone. They were all some of the most kindest loving people. The kind of persons I wish we were all like cause it would make this one heck of a world to live in. They raised the bar in standards for how we should live and how we should act. I have never met anyone like those 3 Knoufs. And I am deeply saddened and heartbroke over the fact they are now all gone. Loosing Betsy this week was just a loss that we will all feel forever. Something will be forever missing from the hearts of those who knew her....But I also know that Betsy is no longr in pain, and she knows how much we all loved her. So today Im hoping everyone will remember to say a prayer for Betsy and her loved ones. And just make sure the ones you love know how important they are to you. My life would be nothing without all the friends and family that hold pieces of my life, world and heart. I hope you all know how much I love and appreciate you being in my world.......

the fight...

Just amazed how two people can have such different thoughts but the end result is the same. You fight and fight for what you have and fight some more to keep it. But the end is always the same..... You cant control it. You can want something so badly even if you know no matter what you cant truely have it. It will never truely be yours even if for a moment it feels like it is. And that is where the battle rages on within.....

take it or leave it

ok so Im dropping weight at a decent speed, but as with any weight loss its not leaving the areas I want fast enough. My issue is my stomach area. 3 csections did a number on my body not to mention the last 3 babies were 10-12 pounds so ya it did a number on me. I just cant believe how hard it is to loose the stomach. But I guess having your muscles cut thru 3 times will make it that much harder.  Ive come to terms I will never have my cute body back but could I at least have a decent one. Im working my ass off literaly... took my measurements and wanted to puke LOL. But Im ok cause I know what Im working so hard for. Ive come to terms with the fact Im a lot bigger then i use to be. And Im trying to be comfy in my own skin. But damn it Im not. Im not wanting perfect just good. Everyone that knew me before I had the last 2 kids knows I put on a ton of weight. Pregnancy was not a cute thing for me lol. I am happy to say I have reached my first weight loss goal. I hit the 100 pounds lost mark!!!  I am so excited about that cause that was a big goal! But I did it! I still got about 70 to go before I am happy with my weight. But I had to share how well Im doing. I know its not enough, my doc made that clear to me already lol. My weight loss is a health issue. My diabetes has been out of control but I am happy to say that my sugar has not been out of control for about a month now. I am actually keeping my sugar levels low! So another good thing. Im feeling awesome and Im not tired all the time anymore. Im just very proud of myself for all this.I still have a hard road to go but give me the next 3 months and I will look even more different then I do now. :) So take it or leave it. If you like me now just wait cause the best is yet to come from me!!!  You just wait and see! I will do this for no other reason then I want it....