kinda deep.......

Feeling a bit down today....  Its funny when you look at something or someone you love and realize nothing is the way you thought it was. That all the things you had hoped for are not happening. When you sit back and look around at the life you created and dont want it anymore. Or you realize just how lost you have become. Maybe thats what it is with me.Im just completely lost in my own life. Sinking maybe and desperately looking for that rope to pull you back out of it all. And since there is no rope to grab hold of Im pulling myself up dusting me off and getting back to making my world right again.  Im changing for what I think is the better. And I see the looks from my household and know they are wondering what the hell is up with me. This weekend I did my best to explain it to them all. And I  know they still dont understand. I just hope someday they will realize Im not being selfish. They are all the most important things in the world to me. But what I  need and want is change. I need to have something to look forward to and something that is just for me. So that being said, Im sorry if people think its selfish to put myself first. But my life has sucked every ounce of life out of me to the point I have nothing left to give. So now its time for me to put back into Briar. If that makes any sense. Im taking the time to do what I want and need. Cause if I dont well then eventually I will fade away completely I guess. And Im just not willing to let that happen anymore. So again Im sorry to those who dont get it. But for the first time in a very very long time Im going to put myself first and make me happy. Cause if Im happy then the rest of my life will be happy. And then finally all things in my world will be right again. And when it comes down to it, my world has to be right in order for me to be happy and be able to take care of the people that depend on me. Ok Im done now. Im sure this was an info overload but hey its my blog right? :) Just felt the need to get it off my chest. Sorry its kinda deep people.....